You Are Dead To Me

Like a mirror to a person that cannot see
You are nothing to me
Your face
Your smile
The memories of happy moments we had
i’ll delete, discard and I’ll discipline my mind to shut thoughts of you out.

I thought loving someone means you will always be there for them
You are never here when I need you and when you come around your mind is somewhere else.

The only way I can get you to talk is to start a fight.

I only feel your presence when we argue and hurl insults back and forth.

The only time you touch me is when you kick, slap or punch me.

You are dead to me
I will no longer acknowledge your existence
This way I’m immune to anything you do
And unmoved by those things you don’t do.

You are dead to me
I am finally free
And this is the last time you will hear from me.

This Long Distance Is Killing Me

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My chocomilo,
I don’t think I can take it anymore. Yes I know you say I’m strong, and I know I always chant “I am titanium”.But every time I listen to this song I can’t stop crying. I just can’t.

There’s only so many songs that I can sing to pass the time.
I know we agreed not to pay too much attention to some songs so we can both stay strong. But these days even during praise in church, I still think of you, I know its wrong but I can’t help it.

And I’m running out of things to do to get you out of my mind.
I go to school, fellowship, choir practice and work part-time as a photographer, I’m keeping busy, but it’s not enough to keep me from thinking about you.

All I have are pictures of you
Do you know we don’t have enough pictures of us together.?.The last time you came, you could only stay for a week and we were so happy just being together, and spending enough time with each other, we didn’t take enough pictures. 🙁

And the minutes feel like hours and the hours feel like days while you are away.
   Nkemdinobi, do you know its been so long I have lost track of time?. I remember when it was 2 months, 5 days and 13 hours, now all I know is that its been too long, I miss you so much.

And I know right now you can’t be home
You have to work, finish school and then get a better job and make money. You want me to be comfortable and never lack anything. You want our future children to have everything.

With you is where I’d rather be but we stuck where we are, it’s so hard, it’s so far.
Obimo, I want to hold your hands, I want to take a walk with you, I want to watch arsenal play with you, I want to read with you, I want to take pictures of you smiling and giggling like a 4-year-old when I tickle you.

I wish that you were here with me
In Chime Avenue,New Haven, Enugu State, Nigeria and not in Holloway, London, England.

This long distance is killing me.

“Long distance relationship..if you’re in one, you can tell that you both are so close, yet so far..
Basically, a long distance relationship is not one you ‘planned’ to get into.. I mean, It’s not like you just decided one day that you must be in a relationship with someone who is miles or in fact oceans away/apart from you. It just happens..and of course love happens so you wanna make it work..
You see them not so often and when you’re with them you find yourself already calculating how soon/when you’ll get to see them again. You realise that you spend so much time alone and so little time with the person…It has its hard times but truth is distance means so little when someone means so much because love knows no distance
You just keep it going.., hoping that in the future, when distance isn’t in the way, having known the pain of being apart you’ll live each day together, valuing and appreciating all the time you have and being grateful for having made it through” 
   Tolulope Ademakin

Dedicated to those in long distance relationships. Stay strong, don’t give up.