Gravity

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Someone was at my door and won’t stop knocking.
The knock, gentle but with a sense of urgency.
So I, wanting to put an end to the disturbance opened the door and let the person in….

I like what I see. He talks, I listen, I laugh, I let the emotions linger and carry me, till I am floating.
And before I know it I am already in cloud nine.
The rush, the thrill, the curiosity to know if there is more
keeps me afloat, but falling becomes attractive
I am falling and I am not thinking.
I am feeling and happy, in falling.

Suddenly with the force of gravity,
I feel myself crashing
Not knowing if I’ll be caught, or what I’ll land on.

I land in a beautiful but unfamiliar place with bruises all over.
I turn and see him beside me with injuries like mine and I just know I’ll be fine.

Recreation

This is the concluding part of Àlòkù. You can read Àlòkù here

recreation

ˌriːkrɪˈeɪʃ(ə)n/

noun: re-creation

the action or process of creating something again.

noun: re-creation

I don’t know why I am here. I just know this is the happiest I have been in years.

Was it my strong desire to be here that drew Him all the way in search of me? Or did someone tell Him about me? Whatever the case may be, I am grateful..

I thought it was over. I had given up on myself. Constantly haunted by fear; fear of what I felt about myself, fear of who I was, fear of what I represented. I mean why would anyone  see a used car and buy it when the person can get a brand new one for almost the same price?

Oh Amazing Grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. What manner of love is this, that chooses that whom men have rejected?.

I remember being lifted. By a powerful force I can’t explain. Out of the dump, out of despair, out of the dark, out of the mess I got myself in.

I am now in the SHOW ROOM. With the Maker.

My transformation wasn’t a day’s job.
There were nights I wished I wasn’t here
I struggled with adjusting, I didn’t feel good enough
I wanted to do something to prove myself;
To show I was worthy, and grateful. But He wouldn’t let me, He said it would only be an act in futility.

Saved by Grace, not by power, not by might, who I was or what I knew.

One of the things I had to accept was that no one will drive me.
I was simply there for His glory, His pleasure.

For thou have created all things for Your Pleasure…..Called to show the praises of Him who pulled me out of darkness into His marvelous light…

He showed me who I am
Valuable, Priceless, my worth incomparable to diamond or pearls. He cleaned me up, He brought out ‘my manual’ and read my specifications to me.

What defined me as contained in that manual. Not what people did, or said. For I am complete, in Him.

I was ‘Remodeled’
Renamed
Upgraded
Improved
Forgiven, I became His Beloved, the apple of His eyes.

Now I stand unashamed in the show room. No longer who I used to be inside and out, glowing, and radiant. I may not be brand new, but I am being renewed daily. Imagine having a device, that gets a new feature everyday.

Àlòkù doesn’t exist anymore
Something new has happened to me, I am in a new place, things can’t be the same again, some things have to give way.

You can’t test drive, this car is exclusive to the one who owns it, If you are not buying you simply can’t drive me.

I have the stamp and final approval of my Maker.
All that I need is in me, nothing missing, nothing lost, nothing broken. So I come with no warranty.
No insurance needed, we are secure in Him.

You can’t own me and decide you don’t want again, I am not the kind of car you drive and return, use and dump, use and abandon.

I belong to you, you belong to me, we belong to Him till He calls us home.

There will be bumps along the road, ups and downs that may shake us, we are however not afraid, because He has equipped us to conquer , we have the Manual and He is always there all through the way.

He saved me, He fixed me, He raised me and placed me high.
I am valuable, precious, beautiful and strong. I am all that He says I am.

The End.

Much has been said about forgetting the past these days I may sound like a broken record restating this. However, even after hearing the message of grace some of us are still tied to our past, we carry it around like a hand bag or purse.

I don’t have all the answers, but one thing I do know, the One who matters the most said He doesn’t remember who we used to be once we come to Him, He deals with the NOW. The choice is ours to believe Him and begin to be all that He wants us to be. Remember one of the greatest apostles in the bible, had a terrible past, see how he turned out.
Let us remind ourselves daily who we are, believe it in our heart and act like it. Very soon, the consciousness of who we are will be so strong that nothing will be able to shake it out of us.

My ‘roles models’/ look-alike/ ‘friend ‘and ‘sister’ posted something about this on IG.

jhp

 

On this day

For obvious reasons Adele was my muse for this……

On this day
I remember
The times we spent together
Memories I thought I had discarded
On this day I remember
What you meant to me.

I feel something
Deep within my heart
I dont feel hurt, time has taken away my hurt
Like Adele, “I wish nothing but the best for you”.

I feel some pain
Its a different kind of pain
Not the kind that bleeds
I stopped bleeding long ago
Not the kind of pain that confines
I am as free as a bird
Its a pain that is not painful
You understand it, you can’t just explain it.

I am angry
Angry that you have found your better half
And it seems I’m always picking pieces of myself everywhere, everytime
Angry that you act like we never happened.
Angry that you have forgotten how I made you happy.
Angry that you never even made things right with me
You just assumed I was fine.
‘Cuz I didn’t allow you see how damaged I was
See I needed to be strong, I did what I had to do to move on
But you were  either too blind to see what i was going through or you clearly ignored it.

On this day
I close our chapter
Perhaps I needed this to finally get past everything
So I let it go, for my own good.
On this day, i choose to believe you do not exist.
Today is the beginning of accepting that you are gone for forever.

How Does Love Make You Feel?

“Love is like a ‘fart’ if you have to force it then it’s probably ‘shit”……Unknown

I asked a friend who was bombarding my BBM Feeds with his PDA (Public Display Of Affection) some weeks back, what being in love feels like to him and he laughed,probably because the question was ‘weird’.

But I’m curious, how does being in love feel? I have had my share of relationships, but it seems like the expiration of the relationship comes with amnesia; I forget all the things i felt, sometimes why i felt them. Can i get an amen?

*singing* it must have been love, but its over now…… 🙁

To be sincere, I used the word ‘i love you’ quickly.  I enjoyed the companionship, and occasionally the idea that I had someone whom I had a right to disturb, complain to/nag , pour out my frustration and sometimes worry on. However, I didn’t accept the responsibility, commitment and sacrifices that accompanied it.

Back to my question, what does love really feel like? What emotions or actions identify with loving someone? I don’t mean the popular, cheap, adulterated versions of love we see these days. I mean the ‘I want to spend the rest of my life with you’, ‘you are my one and only’, ‘I want you to be the mother/father of my children’, ‘ till death do us part’, ‘the real deal’.

So i asked a couple of people ‘in love’ how love feels like to them,and I got the following responses.

*inserts mushy bbm smileys*, i can’t explain.

“love is everlasting”.  Le deep. -__-

Love feels like everything is going to be alright.

Love is submissive and puts the interest of another first. It is the willingness to gives and  to displease yourself to please your partner.

There is no one universal emotions attached to love, it is different for everyone. But for me there is a sense of peace in your heart .Another thing is that you have a sense of assurance that, whatever happens this person is down for me.

It feels like patient, joy, long-suffering, gentleness, tolerance, submission.

Love feels like its unconditional.

Needless to say, these people confused me more, I was expecting some, butterflies in my tummy, doing me tinini tanana, I can’t sleep at night, I see you in my dreams responses.

However I have learnt a few things;

1. Love is not just what you say but the things you do.

2. Love is the same but the expression is different for everyone. My love may only be able to afford shop 10 rice(a cafetaria in the University Of Lagos,Nigeria) for now while yours maybe able to afford The Place rice and asun(a restaurant in Lagos, Nigeria).

Money should never be equated to love, love transcends material things but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give what you can afford.

My love may be able to write a poem or sing, while yours can download the song and use it as ringtone.Lol

I am not saying ‘settle’ for less than you think you deserve but don’t compare someone’s ‘extravagant’  display of love as your own lack thereof.

2. There is someone for everyone. See how Isaac and Rebecca clicked even without seeing? She met a need,she did what other ladies didn’t know/over looked because God chose her for him.  Perhaps the reason you can’t ‘feel it’ is because that person isn’t yours.

If you are single and ‘waiting’ (not searching) like me,know this; love won’t come with any special marks, or designs or some entirely new feeling that you won’t be able to control yourself, forget Romeo and Juliet, it’s the figment of someone’s imagination.

It could be peace, it could be an assurance, it could be like you have  known the person all your life, it could feel like good friendship, or someone who is the complete opposite but you blend well.

You know how white rice and stew is great and delicious on its own, but Jollof rice is just perfect?!! If you are with that person it feels like JOLLOF.

Remember, you COMPLEMENT not COMPLETE each other, you are complete only in CHRIST.

1st Corinthians 13:1-8. Comes to mind, and only Him who has received God’s unconditional love can love another person genuinely.

Things I Love…..

A list of things I love in no particular order.

Coke. Beards on men. Afro/full hair. Spoken word/poetry. Rice and stew. Bic biro. New jotters .Good lyrics. The book of Romans. Series(strictly English),Owanbe. Cute babies (when they are not crying). Music. Books(even if I don’t read it all). Travelling/visiting new places. Free wi-fi(every Nigerian loves this no offense). Shoes. Nice Wristwatches. Perfumes. Very good ‘singing’ voice(I don’t even know if this is a thing).

         P.S-This list is not exhaustive.