How are you and how are things going?
Can you please not give me the cliché ‘I’m fine’ response you give everyone. I want you to know its okay not to be fine, so tell me, how are you?
You claim to have moved on and let go of the past, but I perceive from your words that the past still hurts you, and in addition, your past now defines the present you. You have refrained from any form of interaction with anyone, you are always not in the mood for talk, going out, anything.
Yes I know he hurt you, he made promises and he broke them, I know you trusted him, you gave him your body, you bared your mind and soul, but he left you exposed. I know he broke you, he met you whole but when he left, the whole was shattered into pieces unrecognizable.
However, its been over a year, i know some wounds are deep and they take long to get healed. But you can’t keep holding on to the past, you can’t keep pushing everyone away, you can’t remain under, you need to breathe.
First I need you to understand that everything that happened wasn’t your fault, I know that you blame yourself for trusting him, for being vulnerable, but love makes us do these things, you can’t blame yourself for falling in love, and trusting him.It’s not your fault that he left, it was his decision.
Secondly, have you ever considered that maybe he is hurting too? He could have been confused and scared. I know the next question will be why didn’t he say so? Why did he have to walk away?. Mary, there is something about men and their ego, its their pride and sometimes they let it get into their head. He would rather have you hate him than accept that he couldn’t cope, couldn’t stand the ‘pressure’, he was afraid of failing.
I am not justifying his actions, all I am saying is, he is flawed, he is human, he is not the superman he portrays to people.
Thirdly, Mary you need to forgive him, not for him but for yourself. I am not saying you should forget all that he did, but you need to forgive him so you can be free, let go of the bitterness,anger and hatred. It’s not worth it, if he couldn’t stay it means he wasn’t strong enough for you.
Mary, forgiveness doesn’t mean you start talking to him, far from it, you both need the distance.
Forgiving him and moving on doesn’t mean you jump into the arms of the next available man, it will only make you feel better momentarily.
Forgiveness is not instantaneous, it’s a process, take your time. Most importantly ask God for help, trust me He listens, ask him to heal you, strengthen you, to hold you, to help you in every way. Cry if you want to, shout if you want to. He cares about the sparrows, the trees, and everything around, how much more you, the apple of His eyes, the reason He sent His son to die. Let Him be your Lover.
I love you M, please stay in touch.